


Menthols

by sperrywink



Category: Criminal Minds, Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Music Star, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crossover, Ellen DeGeneres Show - Freeform, M/M, Soulmate name written on wrist, Soulmates, Therapy, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:04:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7654801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine and Sebastian are soulmates, but they don't find out until they turn 18. It's what Sebastian hoped for, but life is never that easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually post WIPs, but I'm hoping some interest (if it exists) will jump start the writing process for this story. I know how I want it to go, it's just the getting there, as always.
> 
> Title from the Fall Out Boy song “Where Did the Party Go” which seems like such a teenage Sebastian song, particularly regarding Blaine.
> 
> Canon has been changed because of the presence of soulmates, and my own bullshit acceptance level. Basically I love the characters, but hate the plots of Glee. Anyway, to be safe, let’s say I handwaved away everything in Seasons 5 and 6, and portions of season 4 (I liked Dynamic Duets, what can I say). Sebastian is still an asshole, but no crazy Glee shenanigans. Thus, alternate universe, folks.

Sebastian blearily squinted at the clock as his stomach roiled nauseously. It was ten in the morning, and he was surprised he was awake considering the amount he had drunk late into the night before. Maybe he was still drunk.

Shrugging, deciding to worry about it later, maybe after another drink or two, he levered himself out of bed, and went to relieve his full bladder. Scrounging in the cabinet afterwards, he found some acetaminophen and swallowed two tablets, washing it down by inelegantly drinking from the tap. He wasn’t up for finding a glass.

Looking in the mirror, he grimaced at his puffy eyes, and scruffy face. He mumbled, “Yeah, happy birthday to you too,” and stumbled back to the bedroom. Seeing the half-full tequila bottle on his dresser, he made a beeline for it. As he reached for the bottle, he noticed dark lettering on his wrist, and he froze in shock.

Slowly, as if it would disappear if he moved too quickly, he turned his arm so that his wrist was facing up. There in elegant script was the name “Blaine Anderson.” Still not believing it, wondering if he had written it himself in his drunken stupor last night, he reached out and tried to rub it off.

It remained inked into his skin.

He tried to smudge it harder, but it stayed written there. 

Hope and more shock bloomed in his chest. He had been positive, absolutely positive, he wouldn’t have a soulmate revealed on his eighteenth birthday. Hence the drunken night alone, since it wasn’t like his family had ever celebrated his birthday, either.

Still feeling doubt, he left the tequila where it was, and headed towards the bathroom and the shower. He didn’t want it to wash away, but he felt like he had to know if it was real or not. Because in his heart of hearts, not even acknowledged out loud to himself, he had always hoped for Blaine. It was why he had seethed with jealousy and anger at Kurt and the New Directions for stealing him away before he had arrived at Dalton. 

So having his name on Sebastian’s wrist was too good to be true. If it was a mistake or a drunken urge to pretend, Sebastian wanted to know.

He turned on the shower, ditched his clothes, and hopped in when the temperature was barely warm. Holding his breath, he put his wrist under the stream of water.

The name remained.

He rubbed it hard, but nothing changed. It was still there. It was real. His chest tightened, and tears choked him. Taking a shuddery breath, he put his head under the water. He wasn’t crying if no one could tell.

When he finally left the shower, he felt more put together. He still couldn’t stop looking at his wrist, though. Fuck, he had a soulmate, and it was Blaine. Giddy with the thought of it, tying a towel around his waist, he went back into his bedroom. 

Once dressed, he sat on his bed with his phone in hand, staring at his wrist. Should he call Blaine? Text him? What should he say? Suddenly nervous, he remembered that while he was elated, there was no way Blaine would feel the same way. From the dredges of his plastered mind came the memory of Blaine telling him his birthday was in January. This meant Blaine had known for six months and had never contacted Sebastian to at least start building a relationship. 

He dropped the hand with his phone down to his knee. It was obvious when he considered it that Blaine didn’t want this, wouldn’t want this, and Sebastian didn’t want to force it on him. Force his presence on him. He only wanted Blaine if Blaine was willing. In the back of his mind, he wondered when he had developed scruples, but in the forefront was just despair. He said, “Well, shit.”

He had a soulmate who justifiably hated him. This was worse than having no soulmate at all. Putting his phone back onto his bedside table, he went to his dresser, and downed the remaining tequila.


	2. Background

Sebastian went to Pitzer College in sunny Southern California. He figured he could glut himself on blond surfer boys who looked nothing like Blaine. It probably wouldn’t help heal the gaping hole in his heart, but he could try. 

Regardless, he was ready for a change, and had a trust fund that he came into on his eighteenth birthday, so his life was his own. He didn’t know anyone going there, or to southern California at all. Most Dalton Academy grads were East Coast and Ivy League bound. He would have been too if he had to depend on his father, which was why he was extra grateful for the trust fund from his grandparents. He washed his hands of his parents and they washed their hands of him.

Like a lot of young people he wore a cuff on his wrist obscuring the name on it. For most people it was a way of keeping it private until they met their soulmate, for Sebastian it was just a way of hiding what Blaine’s name meant for his future.

He studied Psychology and his senior thesis was on soulmates. He never explained why he was so interested, just shrugged his shoulders and said it was a puzzle. It offered him some insights into his jealousy over Blaine, but in the end he still took all responsibility for his actions, and where they had led him. It was still all his fault.

He did the five year dual degree program, and when he graduated with both his Bachelors and a Masters, he then headed off to London for a change of pace, and to study Forensic Psychology. He had picked psychology to better understand himself, but found the field interesting on its own, especially as it applied to criminal behavior and soulmates. 

He smirked to himself at how the fates turned. His father would be thrilled that Sebastian was thinking of a career in law enforcement, even if it wasn’t as a lawyer, but Sebastian had no intention of contacting him. The last time he had reached out, they had fought, and his father had officially disowned him. He could screw himself for all Sebastian cared. Or so he told himself.

As he headed to the shops to look for a new coat, Sebastian shivered in his lightweight jacket. He hadn’t gotten around to clothes shopping when he first moved, and now it was late November and the London weather was dreary and cold, and he still only had lightweight summer clothes. He entered the first shop, and looked around at the warm wool and lightweight synthetics. He breathed in the warm air and smiled softly. Just then the song being played over the speakers changed, and Sebastian froze in shock as a voice from his past washed over him.

_The_ voice from his past. That was Blaine’s singing. He would recognize it anywhere. 

It was like a punch to the chest. He tried to catch his breath, but only a gasp came out, and he closed his eyes to get back some control. The shop clerk asked, “Are you all right, sir?”

Sebastian nodded, and finally got his lungs to work. Opening his eyes, hoping he would be mistaken, he asked, “Who’s singing?”

The clerk gave him a concerned look, but answered his question. “It’s by a new American artist named Blaine Anderson.”

Sebastian gripped the cuff around his wrist. Shaking off the chills as Blaine’s voice continued to wash over him, he tried to force his feet to leave, but he couldn’t bear it. Just hearing Blaine’s voice soothed the dark hole around his heart.

Squeezing his eyes closed again, he took a deep breath, and got himself under control. Turning a smile towards the clerk, he asked, “Thanks. Do you have any particularly warm, winter coats? I just moved here from California, and I’m not used to the cold yet.”

After that, Blaine’s music was everywhere. He had written an angry, heartbreak-filled debut album, and Sebastian cringed at the thought that it was about him, but cringed more at the thought it was about Kurt. So he had a love-hate relationship with it. It was soothing being able to listen to Blaine sing, but if he listened to it too much, Sebastian just felt lonelier. It had been over five years, and Blaine had never tried to contact him. Sebastian wanted to get mad and get over him, but he couldn’t find the will. He couldn’t really blame Blaine, not after all Sebastian had done.

So despite avoiding Blaine’s publicity like the plague, Sebastian listened to the album on repeat, and remained obsessed with him. Unlike before, now so was the rest of the world.


	3. New Start

After graduating, and then spending four years at Interpol, Sebastian was actually excited to move to the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, and back to the States. He hadn’t grown tired of London, but he was feeling restless, and moving to Virginia seemed like a good way to alleviate that. Most of all, this was what he had spent six years in school learning to do. Getting to work with some of the giants in his field was daunting, but in a good way.

In the intervening years, Blaine had released a sophomore album that was just as introspective as his first, full of wistful, longing songs, but ultimately danceable tracks. If anything, it was more popular than his first album. A deep part of Sebastian’s heart hoped it might mean that Blaine would contact him. Had maybe forgiven him.

It didn’t happen.

So Sebastian again squashed down his feelings, and reminded himself he had more important things to care about, like his career. Sebastian straightened his suit jacket after picking up his weapon once he had gone through the metal detector. It was his first day at the BAU, and he wanted to make a good impression, but also an honest one.

Making his way to HR to pick up his paperwork, he was then led to the BAU area, and left there by the HR representative. He saw Aaron Hotchner’s name on an office door across the way, so he made his way along the balcony to knock lightly. It was still early, so there weren’t that many people making note of his arrival.

Hotchner looked up from some paperwork, and waved to a chair. “Ah, Agent Smythe, glad to have you joining us.” He stood up and leaned forward so that they could shake hands. He had a firm, but not bruising grip. 

After shaking hands, Sebastian settled on the offered chair, and said, “Thank you. I’m excited to be here.” They discussed general duties and workflow, and Hotchner got him up-to-date on some ongoing cases the BAU was helping local police solve. Sebastian took notes, thankful he had thought to bring his notepad with him.

After about forty minutes, Hotchner wrapped up the meeting, and handed Sebastian a bunch of case files to review. He said, “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone, and show you where you’ll be sitting.”

Sebastian nodded, and followed Hotchner out to the balcony. In a carrying voice, Hotchner said, “Everyone, I’d like to introduce Agent Sebastian Smythe, lately of Interpol. He’s specialty is soulmate-related violence, and he’ll be working closely with Reid in learning how to do our closed case analyses.”

Sebastian smiled at the group, and there were murmured hellos from various corners of the bullpen. Hotchner led him down the stairs, and said, “You’ll be sitting over here between Prentiss and Reid.”

Sebastian emptied his arms of files, and turned to shake hands with Prentiss, and nod back at Reid. Before he could be introduced to the other member in their corner, in a joking voice that person said, “Another pretty boy, Hotch? I’m beginning to think you have a type.”

Prentiss snorted a laugh, and Reid rolled his eyes. Dryly, Hotchner just said, “I like talent no matter the form it comes in, you know that, Morgan.”

Taking the joking tone for what it was, Sebastian smirked, and let his gaze rake over Morgan ostentatiously. “I prefer being called smoking hot, but for you I’ll make an exception.”

Morgan blinked his surprise before a wide smile broke out. “A player, eh? I could use the competition if you think you’re up for it.”

Sebastian just raised his eyebrow, and crossed his arms confidently. Hotchner gave Morgan a look, and patted Sebastian on the shoulder. “I’ll leave you two to your pissing contest.”

Everyone laughed at that, and Sebastian was glad that being his normal, outrageous self went over well. It would suck to get off on the wrong foot on the first day, but it would also suck trying to hide who he was. Plus, profilers. If they were even halfway decent, they would see right through him.

Everyone resettled, and Sebastian asked where the coffee was. Reid said, “I’ll show you. I could use a refill.”

Following Reid to a small, kitchen alcove, Sebastian was handed a mug by Reid, and he filled it to the brim as he watched Reid add more sugar to his coffee than he had seen anyone do since college. With mirth in his voice, he asked, “You like it sweet, huh?”

Reid quirked a smile at him. “Another thing Morgan makes fun of me about.” Sebastian could hear the fondness in his voice. It was obvious Reid liked Morgan, and didn’t mind his jokes. He continued with, “Let me take you to meet Garcia, our technical specialist.”

“Sounds good.”

Reid led him down the hallway and into a small room filled with computer equipment. Reid said, “Garcia, I’d like to introduce our newest Agent, Sebastian Smythe.”

Garcia swiveled in his chair, and Sebastian blinked at her fuzzy-topped, pink pen, and blonde pigtails. She looked him over as blatantly as Morgan did, so Sebastian smiled easily at her. He wasn’t surprised when she said, “Another hottie for our group, huh?”

Sebastian winked, and said, “Well, Morgan called me pretty, but I’m shooting for strikingly handsome.”

She said, “With those lean lines you can totally pull it off, sweetheart.”

Sebastian pretended to flick lint off his shoulders. “When you got it, flaunt it.”

She held up her hand for a high five, and Sebastian smacked his palm against hers. She said, “Hallelujah!” They both laughed, and Sebastian felt like he had found a new friend. They chatted for a few minutes, but then all three had to get back to work.

He followed Reid to the bullpen where Reid slyly told Morgan. “Better watch out, Garcia and Sebastian hit it off too.”

Morgan mock-frowned at Sebastian. “You trying to steal my girl, Smythe?”

Sebastian slanted him a look back. “Well, if you’re not treating her right…”

“Hey now! No one treats my goddess better!” Morgan said.

Sebastian laughed. “You better. I have my eye on you now.”

Morgan grumbled to himself, but Prentiss and Reid both stifled laughs under their breath. Sebastian had a good feeling about the group, and he smiled as he settled with the case files to review.


	4. Revealing the Past

Sebastian settled in well within the BAU. He did end up being closest to Garcia, but he was comfortable with Morgan and the others as well. They were a close-knit group, but they didn’t play games by ostracizing him or making him feel unwelcome. Prentiss had even worked with Interpol previously, and they had some acquaintances in common, which helped break the ice.

They often went out together after a hard case, and after six months at the FBI, Sebastian could admit he had never been happier. 

Tonight they were all gathered for dinner at Morgan’s place for a celebration. He had finished renovating a house, and he had surprised Garcia by offering her the keys. They were soulmates, but were taking it slow, so this was Morgan’s grand “please move in with me” gesture. Garcia squealed her happiness, and kissed Morgan with vigor and enthusiasm while they all cheered.

Afterwards, Morgan broke out some champagne, and the talk turned to soulmates. Sebastian was tipsy enough and happy enough that he didn’t worry about sharing his tale. It would come out sometime, and he trusted this group more than he had trusted anyone in years.

Still obviously giddy with his successful surprise, Morgan said, “Coming to the BAU and meeting Penelope was the best day of my life.”

Beaming at him, Garcia, just nodded, and turned to Prentiss. She said, “I’m sorry you never had a happy ever after with your soulmate.”

Shrugging, Prentiss said, “It’s okay. I’m glad I got to meet him, even though it was only for a short amount of time before he died. But that’s why I try not to take things for granted these days.”

Morgan nudged Sebastian. “What’s your story? Are you still waiting to meet them like Reid?”

Sighing, Sebastian took a swallow of champagne. “No, we’ve definitely met. It didn’t go well.”

“What does that mean?” Prentiss asked.

“It’s a crap story, are you sure you guys want to hear it tonight?”

Garcia replied, “I’m too intrigued to care now. How on earth can meeting your soulmate go badly?”

Sebastian grimaced, but admitted, “We were sixteen, and he was dating someone else. In love with someone else.”

Morgan mirrored his expression. “Uh oh.”

Pointing at Morgan, Sebastian nodded. “Exactly. I didn’t react well, and didn’t understand why I was so jealous and angry when I had never cared before.”

Prentiss put her hand on his arm. “What happened?”

“I flirted shamelessly with him, got into pissing matches with the boyfriend, but the worst happened when it was obvious none of that was working. 

“In stupid high school fashion, I ended up throwing a slushie with rock salt in it at the boyfriend. My soulmate jumped in front of him, and being a couple inches shorter, it got him right in the face. He needed surgery, but luckily didn’t lose his eye.”

Frowning at him, Garcia said, “Wow, you’re right, that is crappy.”

Sebastian shrugged, and then nodded. 

“He wouldn’t talk to you even when it turned out you were soulmates?” Prentiss asked.

“No. He turned eighteen six months before me. When I realized he had never offered an olive branch in all that time, I knew he didn’t want it, didn’t want me. So I let him be.”

Reid said, “That must have been a good ten years ago. Maybe he just can’t find you now.”

Nodding furiously, Garcia pointed at Reid. “I can find anybody. Give me the name, doll, and I’ll be hooking you up in a jiffy.”

Sebastian was already shaking his head. “We have friends in common. I’m not that hard to find. Besides, I know where he is, and it’s obvious he doesn’t want me.”

Morgan asked, “How can you be so sure?”

Looking down at his glass of champagne, Sebastian decided to reveal everything. Their friendship was worth it. So he looked up at everyone’s concerned faces, and smiled bitterly. “Because my soulmate is Blaine Anderson.”

Garcia’s mouth dropped open, but Reid just looked confused. He asked, “Should I know who that is?”

Morgan told Reid, “It’s a popstar.” He had a considering look on his face, so Sebastian wasn’t surprised when he went on to ask, “Is this why your specialty is soulmate violence?”

“Yeah, that’s how it started. I wanted to understand myself better, but found myself fascinated.”

Finally finding her voice, Garcia’s mouth clicked shut, and then she was saying. “Oh my god. That first album was about you, wasn’t it?”

Sebastian put a hand over his face, but admitted, “Probably. Maybe also about the boyfriend, who apparently dumped him in spectacular fashion when he found his soulmate.”

“Thus, all the anger and resentment, huh?” Garcia said with a small frown.

Sebastian just held his glass up in ironic toast, and took another gulp. He said, “Yeah. Anyway, Blaine can find me any time he wants, but I’m not going to pester him. Not after all I’ve done.”

Morgan said, “Well, on that note, I say we break out more champagne. Tonight’s supposed to be a celebration.”

Sebastian’s cheer was the loudest.


	5. Revealing the Present

Six months later, just past his first year anniversary at the BAU, they had just finished a hard case in St. Louis where they weren’t able to prevent another two killings. Arriving back at Quantico, Sebastian felt the prickling sensation of a dozen eyes on him as they walked through the lobby. Once in the elevator, Sebastian asked the group, “Is it just me, or was everyone staring at us?”

Grimly Morgan said, “It wasn’t just you. Hotch, anything we should know about that would cause that kind of reaction?”

Checking his phone, Hotch replied, “Not that I know about. Let me check in with Strauss, and see what’s up.”

But when they got out of the elevator at the BAU floor, Garcia was waiting for them, and instead of her gaze zooming in on Morgan, it instead went to Sebastian. His eyebrows raised since he knew he hadn’t done anything outrageous lately. Defensively, Sebastian asked, “What?”

Garcia’s expression softened. “Maybe we should talk in my office.” She took his arm, and dragged him down the hallway. Wondering if someone died, Sebastian threw one more desperate look over his shoulder at Morgan and Prentiss, before he was ensconced in Garcia’s small office with her.

Garcia said, “Everyone knows.”

Raising his eyebrows again, Sebastian asked, “Everyone knows what?” He then noticed Garcia’s gaze on his cuffed wrist, and he covered his cuff with his other hand, and said, “Oh.”

“Blaine was attacked by a fan who thought her name was on his wrist, and ripped his cuff off. There are pictures and video,” she said, before placing a comforting arm around his shoulder, and guiding him towards her chair. He was glad for the opportunity to sit down. This was a bit too much.

He asked, “Was he hurt?”

Patting his shoulder, Garcia said, “Not according to his press release. Looking at the video, his wrist might have gotten scratched a bit.”

Nodding, almost afraid to ask his next question, but compelled to, he asked, “Did the press release say anything about me?”

“Just a request to respect both his and your privacy.”

“Right.”

“I’m sorry.” Garcia looked distraught. He wanted to comfort her, but he was too numb.

Shrugging, he said, “I was being stupid for a moment. Of course it doesn’t change anything.”

Garcia asked, “You really do love him, don’t you?”

Pressing his lips together in a mockery of a smile, he replied, “Since the day I met him.”

“Oh, honey.” Garcia hugged him hard.

Patting her back, he pressed his face into her shoulder, and worked hard to hold it together. Once he had himself under control, he said, “Show me the video.”


	6. Contact

At the end of the day Garcia said that his face and name were all over the tabloids, and that the FBI was fielding inquiries, and requests for interviews. Sebastian was still too shocked to care. He had seen his name on Blaine’s wrist for the first time. It was horrifying how it was exposed, but also proof beyond his own wrist that they were soulmates.

When the shock finally passed, Sebastian just felt depressed. Thus, it was no surprise when Morgan decided Sebastian shouldn’t be alone, and cajoled everyone into a night out. Morgan liked to play the tough guy, but he cared deeply about all of them. Sebastian ended up having more fun than he expected, and he was grateful to the team for being there for him. And it was definitely better than obsessing at home alone.

Luckily, they managed to get to their usual, small bar, where the average age of the patrons was around fifty, without being followed. No one there would give a damn who Sebastian’s soulmate was. So they weren’t beset by paparazzi or other media trying to get an exclusive.

When he checked his phone after using the bathroom, he discovered two messages, one from Thad. Wondering if the press had gotten ahold of his number already since he didn’t recognize the other number, Sebastian stopped to listen in the hallway where it was quieter than out in the bar.

Thad’s message said, “Hey Sebastian, it’s Thad. Just to give you a head’s up, I gave your number to Blaine. I wasn’t sure at first, but he was pretty adamant. I hope that’s all right. Call me, man.”

Now knowing who the next message was from, Sebastian’s gut fluttered as he waited for it to start. It started with a cough, and then Blaine was saying, “Sebastian, hey. I got your number from Thad. I just thought I should say I’m sorry in person or at least over the phone. I didn’t mean for your name to be revealed, and I truly am sorry for all the inconvenience this must be causing you. So, yeah, I’m so sorry. For a lot of things.” There was a long pause, making Sebastian look to see if it was still in playback, until he heard Blaine’s voice pick up again, and quickly put it back to his ear. Sounding more distraught, Blaine was saying, “So, yeah, take care.”

Stunned by the message, Sebastian made his way out to the table in the bar area where the others were waiting for him. Morgan did a double take. “You look pale. More bad news?”

Still distracted, not meeting his gaze, instead staring at his phone, Sebastian replied, “Not quite.” He looked up to find his chair, and sitting down, held the phone out to Garcia. “Could you listen to this?”

Both Morgan and Reid stiffened now. Morgan said, “Is it related to a case? Did an Unsub contact you?”

Sebastian waved a hand at him. “No, nothing like that. It’s Blaine.”

Garcia was already listening to the message, and her eyes went wide, and she clutched Sebastian’s arm when it started playback. She hissed, “Oh my god!”

He nodded dumbly, and downed his drink. Morgan and Reid were exchanging looks, but Sebastian didn’t care. His thoughts were all jumbled. He definitely needed Garcia’s advice.

Garcia hung up, and asked, “What are you going to do?”

“I have no idea.”

Morgan, obviously finally out of patience, asked, “What did he say?

Garcia checked with Sebastian, but he just gave her a nod. She then slid her drink over to Sebastian, who was grateful for the additional alcohol, and leaned forward to hand the phone to Morgan. After he listened to the message, he then passed it to Reid who did the same.

Morgan said, “Well, at least he knows he was an asshole.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. What does he have to be sorry about? He was right to ignore me. That was the least of what I deserved.”

“Of course you were an asshole. You were a teenager who was being rejected by their soulmate,” Morgan fiercely replied.

“So I could almost cause Blaine to lose an eye? I don’t think so.”

“Yes, that was bad, but that was also ten years ago, and a juvenile mistake. You didn’t escalate, and you tried to make up for it even at the time from what you said. Forgive yourself. No one is perfect, particularly under stress like that.”

Sebastian shook his head. He didn’t have the words to argue with Morgan tonight. Morgan seemed to realize it, because he just sighed, and wrapped a hand around the back of Sebastian’s neck and gave him a gentle shake, but otherwise let it go.

Sebastian took a sip of Garcia’s fruity, rum drink. He preferred straight tequila, but he would make do tonight.

Garcia said, “You have to contact him.”

“Oh, no, I don’t.” Sebastian was horrified at even the thought. He couldn’t bear to see disgust on Blaine’s face ever again, even now. And for all that Blaine had apologized, Sebastian knew he was still in the wrong.

Taking hold of his hand, Garcia said, “You have to. I’m not saying date him, but it sounds like you both need to forgive each other. You’re both carrying too much guilt to be happy right now.”

Slumping to rest his forehead on the table, Sebastian just said, “Shit.” He hated it when Garcia was right, but this was why he needed her perspective.


	7. First Conversation

After thinking about it for the rest of the evening, in the end, Sebastian took the coward’s way out and just texted Blaine the following morning. He typed a simple “Can we talk?” and sent it off. His stomach was in knots, and he spent the rest of the day doing mindless chores because he couldn’t concentrate.

Finally mid-afternoon, he got a text back. It just said, “Where are you?”

Sebastian texted, “Outside D.C.”

“Let me check my schedule. I’ll get back to you in a couple days.”

After being on pins and needles for three days, Sebastian finally heard back from Blaine. It was just another text message with a time and place about a week out. He texted back that he would be there barring an emergency, and then the real waiting began. He made it through, but was a ball of nerves the entire time.

Blaine had picked a weekday afternoon, so Sebastian arranged to take a half-day as a personal day. He didn’t want to go back to work after talking to Blaine. When the day finally arrived, Garcia made him promise to call her, and Morgan offered to go with him, which made him feel like there were people in his corner. It was wonderful feeling like he belonged somewhere.

Driving to the Four Seasons Hotel, he couldn’t even formulate a plan of what to say. He had no idea how to bridge all the water between them. He just hoped they could actually talk. When he entered the lobby, a man asked, “Sebastian Smythe?”

He was built and serious looking, but didn’t seem dangerous. Sebastian replied, “Yes?”

“I’m Mr. Anderson’s security, Carl Roberts. Can I see some ID before showing you up?”

Sebastian handed over his FBI badge, and after scrutinizing it, the man nodded and handed it back. Pointing towards the elevators, he said, “If you’ll come this way.”

Sebastian followed him, and took a deep breath once they were in the elevator. Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, and he had never been more nervous, not even when interviewing his first suspect with Interpol.

Carl was shooting him surreptitious looks, but Sebastian ignored them. He could only handle so much right now. Instead he watched the numbers climb.

Finally the doors dinged, and they exited the elevator. Carl led him halfway down the corridor, and knocked lightly, and then opened the door with a keycard.

Sebastian walked inside, and murmured his thanks to Carl who stayed outside. Carl nodded at him, and then he turned back to Blaine who looked absolutely gorgeous, but just as nervous as Sebastian felt. He was wearing light jeans and a white, button-down shirt, unbuttoned at the very top. His hair was a bit less gelled, allowing some waves. 

They stood staring at each other for a long moment, Sebastian unsure what to do now that he was here, and wanting every opportunity to soak in Blaine’s presence. Finally he said, “Hey, killer.” 

Blaine bit his lip, and a blush spread over his cheeks, but his voice was even when he said, “Sebastian. Thanks for working with my schedule. It’s a bit crazy.”

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair to loosen up. He replied, “Thanks for making time to see me,” but Blaine was obviously distracted by his service weapon, which was revealed by his movement.

Blaine asked, “You came here armed? Carl let you in with a gun?” He took a step back.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. “I’m a federal agent. It was all over the tabloids when my name got out.” Garcia kept Sebastian appraised of how the press was reacting, and what it was writing about him. So far their shared past hadn’t been revealed, but it was only a matter of time. Sebastian was dreading the day.

Blaine’s blush became more intense and splotchy, and his gaze dropped to the carpet. “I didn’t read them. I didn’t want to invade your privacy any more than it already was.”

“I could do without the stalkery press, but I don’t mind you knowing, Blaine.”

Blaine replied, “Right.” After another awkward pause, he offered, “Do you want something to drink?”

“Not really.”

“Right. Maybe we should sit down then.” Blaine looked as lost as Sebastian felt.

Just nodding, Sebastian followed Blaine over to the couch in his suite. They sat down next to each other, but with ample space between them. Sebastian half-wondered what he was doing here, what this would accomplish, but the other half was so thrilled to see Blaine, he didn’t care, just hoped he never had to leave. He had forgotten how being near Blaine caused his heart to flutter, and joy to spark in his soul.

Blaine toyed with his hands, sneaking peeks at Sebastian every now and then. He was obviously at as much of a loss as Sebastian was. Finding a topic, Sebastian said, “So I like your music.”

Putting his hand over his face, Blaine replied, “Oh, god, I’m so sorry.”

Blaine was looking extremely uncomfortable, which made Sebastian smile a bit. Sebastian asked, “What?”

“As you probably guessed, my first album was all about the soulmate stuff and Kurt. I’m sorry I aired it that way. The press is having a field day with it now.”

Sebastian replied, “Don’t worry. I never listen to your interviews, and definitely don’t read press about myself. I just buy your albums.” 

That led them into small talk for a bit, talking about Blaine’s music and Sebastian’s career. Blaine was curious about what he did, and he was happy to talk about his forthcoming third album. The whole time Sebastian marveled at how he felt around Blaine. He had forgotten how electric and alive everything felt when he was with him. Even his skin tingled. 

Finally the conversation drifted to silence, and Sebastian became too on edge to put off what he really wanted to know. If he waited, he would never say anything, just accept whatever scraps of attention Blaine offered him. He didn’t want to live his life as a beggar, as Garcia had so rightly pointed out to him. So he asked, “In your message you apologized, but I don’t understand why. I was definitely in the wrong in high school.”

Blaine made a wry face. “Ask the hard questions, why don’t you.” He held up a staying hand when Sebastian opened his mouth to take his question back. “No, you deserve to know. It’s only right.”

Slumping against the couch back, Blaine stared at his hands in his lap. “I apologized because I _had_ forgiven you, but still turned on you. I was furious at Kurt, and blamed you for it for years. 

“When Kurt got his soulmark in late spring, he didn’t let me see it. Said it was too private, and that I would understand when I got mine. I so naively believed him, believed in us, that I let it go. Then he went off to New York in fall, met his soulmate right away, and dropped me like a lead balloon, even as a friend. He wouldn’t accept my phone calls or Skype requests. I didn’t find out about his real soulmate until close to Mr. Shue’s wedding. I was devastated.

“And then I got your name a month later. At the time I felt betrayed. To lose Kurt and get your name instead seemed like the worst outcome fate could have dealt me.”

It hurt more than he thought it would to hear Blaine confirm that he hated having Sebastian as his soulmate. Sebastian was sick at the thought. All his budding, giddy feelings turned to ashes, just like when he was eighteen. Still he felt some vindication at Blaine’s answer. To finally confirm everything was a relief. 

Blaine continued, “I was just this seething mess of anger and hurt for years afterwards, and I used you as the scapegoat for it, because god forbid I be angry at Kurt.”

Sebastian did not lift his head to look at Blaine, even as Blaine ran out of words. From the corner of his eye, he could see Blaine’s hand reach out for him, but he stopped before it touched Sebastian, and it dropped onto the couch between them. Blaine said, “By the time I got into therapy and straightened my head out, it had been years, and I didn’t know how to roll them back to contact you, and do it right. So like a coward, I let it go. I know that wasn’t fair to you, not in the slightest, so that’s why I apologized. It was something I had been wanting to say for years.”

Taking a steadying breath, Sebastian said, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Blaine repeated.

“Yeah. I appreciate you explaining. I’m sorry you went through all that.”

Looking frustrated, Blaine asked, “That’s it?”

Standing up to pace a few steps away from Blaine. Sebastian finally turned back towards him, and with controlled fury and clenched fists, he asked, “What do you want me to say? That it hurts that my soulmate hates me? Apparently hated me for years not because of the asshole I was, but because of Kurt fucking Hummel? That it sucks that the whole world now knows? Yes to everything.”

Blaine shrunk back into the couch cushions looking mortified. Sebastian said, “Shit.” After a beat of silence where they just stared at each other, once the anger and guilt faded a bit, Sebastian was able to take some fortifying breaths, and say, “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I just wanted to know. Know if I was right for all these years. I’ll go.”

Sebastian started for the door. In a soft voice, Blaine said, “I wish you wouldn’t.”

Stopping, Sebastian closed his eyes, but didn’t turn around. “What else is there to say?”

“I don’t want Kurt determining any more of my future. Do you? Can’t we try to work things out?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who hated me, remember?” Sebastian turned around, and caught Blaine’s pleading look, before it turned to guilt. Sebastian felt his own guilt rise again. He thought he had worked through all these feelings, but standing in front of Blaine, it was like he was sixteen all over again, being buffered by emotions he didn’t understand. He held up a staying hand before Blaine could say anything. “I’m sorry again. I don’t mean to be cruel.”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re right, the ball was in my court, and I dropped it. God, Sebastian, I was just such an idiot back then. I could only see the world through Kurt’s eyes, and I lost my own voice. But I hope you can forgive me someday. I want to at least be friends with you.”

Sebastian barked out an aborted laugh. “Like I could handle just being friends with you. Even being here now is ruining the composure I’ve worked years to get.”

“So that’s it? You’re just giving up?”

“No. I don’t know. I think I need time.”

Blaine was quick to agree. “Time I can do. As much as you need.”

Nodding, Sebastian did the button on his jacket, preparing to leave again. This time not in a huff. “Okay. So I’ll be in touch?”

“Sounds good,” Blaine said with a small, hopeful smile.


	8. Recap with Penelope

The second Sebastian was back in his car, he was dialing Garcia. She answered on the second ring with, “How’d it go?”

He started babbling right away. “I don’t know what happened. One minute we’re getting along, the next he’s admitting he hated me, and then I’m demanding I need time. I don’t know what came over me.”

“You need to come over, and give me a blow-by-blow.”

“On my way.”

Sebastian drove to Garcia and Morgan’s place, and pulled into the driveway behind Morgan’s car. When he got inside, both Morgan and Garcia were home, and Garcia already had a bottle of wine out, and was pouring it into wine glasses. Sebastian downed the first glass in one long gulp, and said, “You’re a life saver.”

Morgan pulled him onto the sofa, as she refilled his glass. She said, “Now start at the beginning, and tell us everything.”

So Sebastian did. By the end he was depressed again, and was nursing his third glass of wine. He said, “I don’t know what came over me. It felt like I was a teenager again. I’m surprised I wasn’t more of a jerk.”

Morgan said, “First of all, you weren’t a jerk at all. That’s a lot of emotional baggage to be dumped on you. Second, have you thought about therapy for yourself? It sounds like you still have a lot left to deal with about this.”

Sighing, Sebastian leaned against the back of the couch, and stared at the ceiling. “You’d think as a psychologist I’d cope better.”

“Hey now, you’re still a human being, so cut yourself some slack. This would be hard on anybody,” Garcia said fiercely. She gave him a hug.

Morgan said, “Ask Hotch for recommendations. He has a list of good people.”

Sebastian nodded and settled back, and they talked for the rest of the night.


	9. Next Steps

Sebastian did ask Hotch for therapist recommendations, and ended up with an older women named Melanie. She was no-nonsense, but insightful, and after the first session, Sebastian admitted that it was a good idea. He hadn’t comprehended just how upset he truly was underneath his surface calm until he was yelling his anger out in her office. Unsurprising to him, a lot of it was directed at himself, but a fair amount was saved for Kurt Hummel as well as Blaine. Basically he was this seething ball of hidden anger, and he was glad he was working through it in the safety of her office, and not having it blindside him when he next met Blaine.

In the meantime, he and Blaine were texting at random intervals. Little, nonsense conversations that were inane, but helped bridge who they had been with who they were now. Sebastian figured it was a safe way to communicate while he got his head on straight, and Blaine was busy gearing up for his album promotion.

That was another thing Sebastian talked to his therapist about. He knew Blaine would have to say something about them to the press when his album was released and he started promoting it, which was coming up fast. Sebastian just didn’t know what he was comfortable with. He knew how the press was, he had seen JJ deal with them enough to know there were no secrets when the press started digging, someone would always talk under the veil of confidentiality.

So he knew confronting it head on was the smart thing to do, but he felt stuck in place because it was the last thing he wanted to do. Some days never talking to Blaine again seemed preferable, even though he knew that wouldn’t really make the situation go away, or make him happy.

When Blaine texted, “Can we talk tonight?” Sebastian got a knot in his stomach. He still hadn’t decided what to do.

Still, he texted back, “Sure. Just reviewing cold cases today. Call me at 7.”

As he waited for seven to roll around, Sebastian paced his living room. Finally the clock ticked over, and seconds later the phone rang. Sebastian answered with, “Hi, killer.”

“Hi, Sebastian.” 

Blaine sounded nervous, so Sebastian decided to cut to the chase. They were both too worked up for regular conversation. So he said, “You want to talk about your album publicity, I’m guessing.”

Heaving a big sigh, Blaine said, “Yes. I don’t want to rush you, or say anything you’re uncomfortable with, but I do need to know how much I can talk about. I never talked about my personal life before, but when your name was revealed, and it was discovered we were both from Ohio, well, it got messy. Everyone feels I need to address it.”

Sebastian asked, “Do you have a preference?”

“Well, that would be to say nothing, but I’m afraid that will just make people dig deeper, and stir up trouble. If they talk to anyone from high school, it won’t sound good. The New Directions kind of hated you.”

“Yeah, that’s no surprise. So you need to open up.”

“Yeah.” Blaine sounded less than thrilled. “There is one idea being floated that I’m kind of okay with, but I don’t know if you’d be willing.”

“Willing for what?”

“Don’t say no until I get it all out, all right?”

Sebastian hesitated, but eventually said, “Okay.”

“Ellen DeGeneres is doing an evening, two-hour interview special, kind of like those old Barbara Walters ones. Her people have contacted me about it. The twist is they want you to be on it too.”

“Oh, hell no!”

“Wait! Just wait! I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but this way you can state your case before the rest of the press dig any further, and get a warped view. It gets it all out there once and for all, and then we can move forward.”

“Blaine--”

“I know it sucks, but I really don’t see a better way. If I alone explain our history, people are going to pick sides.”

“Shit.”

“That about sums it up.”

Sebastian looked out the window, and thought about his life. It had been lonely, but he had coped, and had managed to build a good life. He felt like that was all collapsing on him, just because of the ass he had been in high school. Eventually he said, “Let me talk to the Bureau’s PR department. I’ll need to clear it with them first.”

“Okay, not a problem.” Blaine sounded relieved, and maybe a bit eager. “Thank you, seriously. I’m sorry I had to ask this of you.”

“Not your fault.”

“It feels like my fault. I’m kind of inflicting my crazy life on your sane one.”

Thinking about the evil he confronted every day, Sebastian laughed a bit disbelievingly. “That’s the last thing my life is.”

Blaine made an inquiring sound, but didn’t ask outright. Sebastian decide to answer anyway. “We chase the worst of the worst. People who are truly disturbed, and downright evil. It’s a constant struggle to maintain some distance. Some days you despair for the human race.”

“Sounds tough. I’m sorry you’ve had to cope with it alone.” 

Sebastian could hear the unstated, “Sorry I haven’t been there for you.” He decided to offer an olive branch. “Thanks. Luckily, my coworkers have become close friends. It helps that they know intimately what I’m dealing with.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.”

Sebastian turned the conversation to lighter topics, and Blaine seemed relieved that Sebastian didn’t chase him off the phone. They talked for another half an hour, the conversation flowing light and easy, until Blaine said, “I have a meeting, I have to go.”

“Okay. Thanks for talking. It was good.”

With unabashed hope in his voice, Blaine asked, “So maybe we could do it again?”

Sebastian said, “Sure. I’ll call after I talk to PR?”

“Great! And thanks again. It means a lot to me that you’re willing to do this.”

“Good night, Blaine.”

“Night, Sebastian.”


	10. PR Dealings

The next day, Sebastian knocked on JJ’s open door. When she looked up, he asked, “Do you have time for a conversation?”

Since they had never been close, with a question in her voice, she said, “Sure,” so he entered, and closed the door.

Sitting down, he said, “So I need your opinion on how to handle PR, and what to tell the Bureau’s PR department.”

“Is this about your soulmate situation?” Sebastian sighed, and raised his eyebrow. She explained, “Reid told me some of your history when the news got out.”

“So you know why I don’t want to talk about it, but am afraid I have to.”

“Why don’t you tell me in your own words what happened, and what you’re asking now.”

Sebastian told her about his and Blaine’s shared history, where they are now, and about Blaine’s request that he go on Ellen’s show with him.

When he was finished, JJ leaned back in her chair, and clasped her hands in front of her in the shape of a steeple. After considering for a couple minutes she finally said, “It isn’t a bad idea. It gives you control of the narrative, which you won’t have if you wait for it to be uncovered, which it will be once he starts his publicity tour. You’re right that this kind of thing doesn’t stay hidden for long.”

“So you think I should go to PR with the whole story?”

JJ nodded. “Definitely. Tell it just as you told me, they’ll understand the nuances. They can coach you, and prepare you by doing mock interviews with you, so you aren’t blindsided.”

Sebastian made a face. JJ chuckled. “Not what you wanted to hear, huh?”

“Not really, but it’s what I expected. It’s why I agreed to entertain the idea. I just really don’t want to do it.”

JJ winked at him. “Come on, it’s Ellen! You have to be at least a little bit excited.”

Sebastian made another face at her, just to make her laugh, but he was laughing a bit too, so it kind of ruined the affect.

She said, “Get out of here, and go to PR. Best to get this rolling right away.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Sebastian left, but his first stop was Hotch’s office. After giving him a head’s up, and getting his approval, Sebastian made an appointment with the PR department, who were thrilled to hear from him. He had been ducking their calls for weeks now.

To say the PR department was less than thrilled with his teenage behavior was an understatement. On the other hand, to say they were thrilled he was going on Ellen was an even bigger one. They were happy he was finally being a ‘team player’ as they called it. Sebastian just gritted his teeth, thankful he had therapy with Melanie that evening.

Once he was home, after venting it all out to Melanie, Sebastian called Blaine. When Blaine answered, Sebastian asked, “Is this a good time?”

“Perfect. I have about forty-five minutes before my next meeting. I forget how exhausting preparing for an album drop is.”

“But it’s worth it?”

“It is. I love sharing my music with everybody, and I’m enough of an egoist to be happy that people respond favorably to it.”

“That’s good. You always were a flawless performer.”

“And you always believed in me.”

Sebastian could hear the regret in Blaine’s voice, and he didn’t want them to get emotional over the phone, so he simply said, “I did, and still do. Speaking of which, I spoke to the Bureau PR department. They okay-ed the Ellen show. They were actually thrilled.”

“I bet. Media people are always glad to have some measure of control, instead of playing catch-up.”

“Yeah, I got that. They actually dragged me over the carpet for not coming to them sooner.”

Blaine laughed. “Yeah, they’ll do that. I got a similar lecture when your name came out, and I admitted I already knew you.”

“I bet. So let me give you the PR number your people can call to arrange everything. They’ll make sure I’m available for the interview, and that it doesn’t interfere with any of my court appearances, or casework.”

“Thank you. Seriously, I can’t thank you enough for doing this for me.”

“Hey. I’m kind of doing it for both of us.” After a brief internal debate, Sebastian admitted, “I don’t want to be a burden as your soulmate. Have everyone judge me solely on what I was like when I was sixteen.”

“I won’t offer you platitudes, because I can’t prevent it from happening, but keep in mind, no one believed in me the way you did. The Warblers did to a certain extent, but no one was as consistently positive about what I could do as you were. Not my parents or Cooper, and not Kurt, who ran hot and cold. I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but I do now.”

A bit choked up, Sebastian took a moment to breathe, and then said, “Thanks.” Luckily, then Blaine asked for PR’s number, and they exchanged information about the Ellen DeGeneres special before their time was up.


	11. Mach 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next section today, so I am hoping I will get that posted today too.

Once the PR and Ellen people were in contact, things started moving fast. Ellen’s special would be airing in two weeks, so the taping had to happen within the next week to get edited and processed before the airing date. Luckily Sebastian didn’t have any court appearances during this time, and the BAU didn’t have an active case they had to travel for. Sebastian was put on light rotation as if he did have a court appearance, so even if they were called out, he wouldn’t get to go. He couldn’t believe the Bureau would treat his Ellen interview so seriously, but Morgan pointed out that this was high profile, and although personal, Sebastian would still be representing the BAU. 

Because of the rush, Sebastian started feeling like his life was no longer under his control. Before he hadn’t understood just how popular a star Blaine actually was, since he didn’t follow Blaine’s media coverage. He had known he was a popstar and heard his music on the radio, but the network was giving Ellen another hour at this last minute to include Blaine’s segment, which he found mindboggling. Blaine was obviously a bigger deal than he had assumed.

All the media frenzy meant that the chances of someone from their high school days talking to some tabloid before the show aired was a lot higher than he had first assumed. He didn’t know how he felt about that. He knew the truth would come out either way; he had no plans to sugarcoat his actions, but at the same time, he hated the possibility that someone like Kurt would be the voice Sebastian’s story instead of himself.

Plus, he felt weird about the whole thing. They barely had the chance to connect before all this took off, and now everything was going Mach 10. They had talked in person once, and exchanged some texts and a couple phone calls, but hadn’t been able to coordinate their schedules for more. Although he hoped for one, it wasn’t some grand love affair yet. But, seriously, they had never even kissed and now they had to go on TV as soulmates?

So, yeah, he was getting anxious and nervous, and it was so unlike him he was having trouble coping.

He spent more time clueless about what to say in the mock interviews the Bureau PR department had him do than feeling confident and in-charge. Even they were getting frustrated with him, but what was he to say, really? It was all conjecture at this point, except for high school.

At the same time, he had no idea of what he supposed to say to Blaine. Could he really just blurt out something like, I’m not trying to jump your bones or force our relationship somewhere we aren’t ready for, but I’m uncomfortable going on TV as your soulmate when we don’t know each other as adults and have seen each other once in the last decade? When he voiced that to Melanie, she said, “Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to say. Don’t hide your feelings, Sebastian.”

Sebastian gave her a look, but she met it with a fierce one of her own. “It isn’t being pushy, I promise. You’ll probably find Blaine has a lot of the same feelings.”

Sebastian slumped against the back of the couch in her office, and threw his arm over his eyes. If he could stick his head in the sand like an ostrich he would.


	12. Second Contact

He flew out to the West Coast two days before his interview along with a PR representative from the Bureau. She was going to coordinate with Ellen’s people about what could and couldn’t be said about the FBI and Sebastian’s job with the BAU. She was the one who finally broke through his paralysis in the mock interviews, and he was glad that she was the one coming with him.

His worries kept him up on the late night flight to L.A. They landed at eleven in the evening, local time, and despite being exhausted since it felt like two in the morning, after checking into their hotel, it still took hours for Sebastian to fall asleep. He had made plans to meet Blaine in his suite for lunch the next day, and Sebastian was glad they were in the same hotel, and Blaine wasn’t staying at his home in the Hollywood Hills. Navigating L.A. traffic while he was still groggy with lack of sleep was probably a recipe for disaster.

When noon rolled around, Sebastian had been up and ready since early that morning. Nerves woke him up and kept him up despite his lack of sleep. As he made his way to Blaine’s suite, he took some deep breaths. He didn’t know how he was going to voice his concerns, but he knew Melanie was right and he had to. If they weren’t on the same page, Sebastian needed to know now, and not on camera tomorrow.

He knocked, and Blaine’s head of security Carl let him in. Carl then excused himself leaving just Blaine and Sebastian just like the last time. Blaine said, “I was going to order room service for us, if that’s all right with you?”

“Sounds perfect. I wasn’t keen on being fodder for paparazzi this trip.”

“Same here. That’s why I’m staying at the hotel instead of home. The interview will happen in the Penthouse suite, and it just made sense to be here considering you would be too.”

They decided what they wanted, and Blaine ordered over the phone. Afterwards, he asked, “You want something to drink?”

“Water’s fine.”

Blaine got them each a bottle of water from the mini-fridge, and they say on the couch facing each other. Blaine said, “Thanks again for doing this.”

“Like I said, it’s the best option. I hear Charlene’s been in touch with your PR guy.”

“Yeah, they apparently get along like a house on fire. But Sean says our ‘narratives’ fit, so he’s not worried about coaching us together.” Blaine rolled his eyes slightly, but it was with a smile, so Sebastian knew he was actually fond of his PR guy.

He took a gulp of water, and decided to bite the bullet. Looking seriously at Blaine’s questioning face, Sebastian asked, “So what do they think our ‘narratives’ mean for the future?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, killer, it’s been ten years and we’ve barely reconnected. I’m just… I don’t know what you want from me. In the future.”

Looking surprised and a little hurt, Blaine leaned back a bit, and Sebastian knew he had broached the subject wrong, but he couldn’t and didn’t want to take it back, even if it took some back-stepping to get them on the same page. 

Blaine said, “I thought, well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. Let’s just get through the interview.” He took his own gulp of water, and then played with the label, looking down.

Going all in, Sebastian replied, “No, that’s not what I meant, and I want to settle this before one of us says something they regret in the interview. That’s why I’m asking now. This isn’t just a random hook-up to me, this is serious. I want us to be in the same place when we move forward. I want it to mean not just something, but everything. But I don’t know if you feel the same way.”

Blaine’s head lifted with a blinding smile, and Sebastian’s breath caught. Blaine reached out one hand and touched Sebastian’s bent knee. “Oh! I mean, yes, I do feel the same way. I’ve missed you.”

Since Blaine had reached out, Sebastian twined their fingers together on his knee before Blaine could draw his hand back. “I don’t see how. We barely talked after I slushie’d you.”

“Well, yeah, I was mad for a while, but like I said I forgave you, and wished we could talk and text like we did before that. But Kurt…, well, enough of him. And then I was too much of a coward, but you were on my mind often. I wondered how you were doing, what you were doing.”

Sebastian smirked. “Who I was doing?”

Blaine frowned and tried to tug his hand away, but Sebastian wouldn’t let him. With an understanding smile, he said, “Hey. Not being a shrinking violet, I wasn’t celibate, but a bunch of one-night-stands that meant nothing do not compare to what I’ve always felt for you. For me there was never anyone else.”

Blaine held onto Sebastian’s hand tighter, and then loosened his grip. Looking into Sebastian’s eyes, he said, “While I can’t exactly say the same as you know, I will admit that since your name appeared on my wrist, there has never been anyone else. Whether I was mad, sad, or happy about it, it was always about you.”

Curious about how Blaine phrased it, Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from asking, “You don’t mean you’ve been a celibate popstar, right?”

A furious blush swept across Blaine’s cheeks, and he looked down with a cough.

Sebastian was shocked, but a deeply primal part of him was also thrilled. He told that part to shut up, even though he knew he would savor the thought when he was alone later. After that mental struggle, he tugged on Blaine’s hand, pulling him closer, and then used his other hand to tilt Blaine’s head up so their gazes could meet. “Hey. I think it’s super-hot, but I don’t know how you did it. I can’t imagine people weren’t throwing themselves at you.”

Blaine half-smiled wryly. “But none of them were you.”

Sebastian was still touching Blaine’s face, so he shifted his hand so that his thumb could rub along Blaine’s cheek feeling the lingering heat from his blush. Unable and unwilling to contain his desire any more, Sebastian slid his hand around to the back of Blaine’s neck, and tugged him further forward. At the same time he leaned in to brush a whisper-soft kiss along Blaine’s mouth.

He felt Blaine gasp, and as they locked eyes, Sebastian could see the happy shock in Blaine’s. He waited a heartbeat, and then it was Blaine leaning forward and slanting his head to deepen the next kiss they shared. Blaine also tightened his hold on Sebastian’s fingers, almost painfully, but Sebastian didn’t care. It helped temper the overwhelming emotions he was feeling from even these light kisses.

They each gasped as they broke apart this time, but before Sebastian could dive back in and push Blaine back into the cushions, there was a knock at the door. Blaine said, “Room service,” and Sebastian nodded.

As Blaine went to the door to get their food, Sebastian took some deep breaths and tried to get himself under control. If only a few sweet kisses made him this aroused, he had to wonder how it would feel to be with Blaine fully. There were going to be fireworks.

Blaine set up the cart by the table and chairs in the room, and Sebastian walked over to join him. He could feel Blaine retreating a bit emotionally, but Sebastian didn’t blame him. Hell, Sebastian was also overwhelmed. So when Blaine began talking about their mutual friends, Sebastian smoothly joined him and let their conversation grow casual over lunch.

Just as they were finishing their meal, both their phones rang, and they agreed to part to go over their interviews one last time with their respective PR people. They exchanged looks, and Sebastian chuckled, but also let Blaine walk him to the door. Before he left, Sebastian took the risk and brushed one final kiss along Blaine’s cheek near his mouth and whispered, “For luck.”

Blaine gave him a sweet smile. “And if anyone needs luck after over a decade, it’s us.”

“Well, maybe it won’t be true for the decade to come.”

Saying, “I hope so,” Blaine went on his tiptoes to brush his own kiss against Sebastian’s mouth.

Sebastian left with a grin on his face.


	13. Surprise Guest

Sebastian only had time for a brief call with Blaine that evening after meeting with Charlene about the interview because Blaine had further meetings about his album drop and promotion. It sucked, but Sebastian was cheered by being able to talk with Blaine, and even kiss him if all went right like it did this afternoon.

The day of the Ellen interview dawned, and Sebastian was up by six. He went for a run, took a shower, and then went down to meet Blaine for breakfast in the hotel restaurant.

Blaine looked as nervous as he felt, but still perked up when Sebastian joined him at his table. He asked, “How’d you sleep?”

Sebastian grimaced, and Blaine chuckled. “Yeah, same here.”

When the waitress swung by, Sebastian ordered a carafe of coffee, and a light fruit fare with a croissant. He could use the pick-me-up. Sebastian said, “I would think you’d be used to this.”

“Kind of, but this is guaranteed to cover more personal topics than I’m used to. Waiting is nerve-wracking.”

“Tell me about it. At least we start before noon. If we had to wait until tonight, I would go crazy.”

He and Blaine talked through a leisurely breakfast, and then separated to dress for the interview. Sebastian didn’t know what Blaine planned on wearing, but he wore his sharp, charcoal gray suit with a crisp white shirt and a light green tie. Morgan called it his ‘fuck you’ suit, since he wore it to court all the time. He felt like he needed the extra confidence it brought him.

When the elevator opened into the foyer of the penthouse, he could here loud voices, one of them Blaine’s. They weren’t quite yelling, but close. His eyebrow raised, but curious, he knocked on the door. It was opened by a harried assistant with a clipboard and headset. She said, “Thank god you’re here.”

Sebastian entered the room and stopped abruptly. Blaine and Kurt fucking Hummel were squared off in the middle of the room.

Kurt was saying, “I’m not surprised you don’t get it. Everything always did just fall into your lap.”

Blaine gave a disbelieving laugh. “Right, you would think that.”

Sebastian tugged on the arm of the assistant who opened the door. “Where’s the green room, or someplace private I can talk to Blaine?”

She pointed a trembling hand to a door on the left, and Sebastian just nodded. Then he walked right in-between Blaine and Kurt, and touched Blaine’s shoulder gently. In a low, but commanding voice he said, “Ignore him and come with me.”

Blaine looked at him with fury in his eyes, and Sebastian could see he was seconds away from cancelling the whole interview, probably just to piss off Kurt. He repeated, “Come with me, killer.”

Kurt was saying, “Stay out of this, you greasy manwhore.”

Sebastian ignored him, and kept his eyes steady on Blaine’s. Blaine let out a breath, and gave the smallest nod. Using his touch on Blaine’s shoulder, Sebastian guided him towards the door the assistant had pointed out. As they walked away, Kurt was yelling even louder. “Hey, I’m not done talking to you!” and Sebastian could hear him arguing with the TV personnel in order to be allowed to follow Sebastian and Blaine.

Sebastian closed the door in his furious face, and locked it.

He leaned against the door as Blaine began pacing the bedroom they were now in. It had been set up with a make-up chair by the mirror and the vanity, and had tackle-boxes of make-up and hair products around the chair and mirror.

With a mild tone, Sebastian said, “He's still a slut-shaming prude, I see. Why were you arguing with him?”

Blaine gave him a disbelieving look. “Because he shouldn’t be here!”

“Although I was somewhat surprised to see him, it makes sense that the Ellen people would hunt him down if they made the connection. So what’s the real issue?”

Blaine ran a hand through his hair, messing the gel up, and leaving it in disarray. He looked more frustrated than angry now, and Sebastian was glad. “I hate that he’s here just to disparage you and to further his own career. He knew I never wanted to see him again, but his needs are always more important than mine.”

“Understandable. But he’s here now, and it’s either deal with him, or walk out and have him tell our story.”

Blaine pouted. “I’m also pretty pissed at Ellen for doing this and not warning me.”

Sebastian nodded. “I would be pissed too. You should bring it up to her beforehand. But if you go on air as angry as you were, you’ll say something you regret later.”

“You’re being remarkably mature.”

Smiling a shark grin, he replied, “I’m still enough of an asshole to be cheered up by the fact that he’s still a talentless hack and loser who needs to hang onto your coattails.”

Blaine snorted out a laugh, and a smile bloomed on his face. “You’re horrible.”

“Be honest. You love it.”

Blaine looked surprised for a second, and then laughed for real. Stepping closer to Sebastian until they were inches apart, he replied, “I actually do. I’m obviously deranged.”

Lightly grasping Blaine’s hips, Sebastian brushed a kiss on his forehead. “And that’s why I’ve always loved you.”

He felt Blaine stiffen, and Sebastian cursed his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say that, but it felt so natural falling from his lips, he couldn’t regret it. Blaine peeked a glance up at him, and was biting his lip. He looked too endearing for words, and Sebastian’s heart eased. Blaine’s face wasn’t one of an easy let-down.

“I’m not sure I love you yet, we haven’t seen each other in too long, but I am so eager to find out about you and to develop those feelings.”

Smiling down at Blaine, Sebastian just squeezed his hips, and said, “Sounds good to me.”


	14. The Ellen DeGeneres Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see if getting this part out will jump start this story again. Hope springs eternal, after all.

There was a knock at the door, and Ellen’s voice asking to talk to Blaine. Blaine looked at Sebastian, anger still shimmering in his countenance, and Sebastian asked, “Ready?”

Blaine shook out his shoulders, and said, “Yeah. Let her in, but only her.”

Nodding, Sebastian unlocked and opened the door, allowing Ellen to enter, but stopping the assistant with the headset from following. He said, “Sorry, but this will be a private discussion.” She tried to push through, but his foot was blocking the door, and he gently closed it in her face. He noticed Kurt was no longer in the main suite, but he didn’t care where he went as long as it was away from Blaine.

When he turned around, Blaine was facing off against Ellen with his arms crossed and a cute scowl on his face. He was saying, “I don’t like having Kurt sprung on me, and it was classless of you to do so.”

Ellen grimaced. “Yes, I agree. That was the network’s idea, and I couldn’t dissuade them from it. They actually wanted to spring him on you in your live interview. Weird that he was in the suite when you showed up.” She winked. 

Blaine scowled again, but also nodded that he would accept that. After a couple minutes more discussion, Blaine and Ellen were settled and Ellen turned to Sebastian and asked, “Any concerns from your end?”

Sebastian answered with, “No, I understand your position and appreciate your help.”

Ellen had explained that they would all be interviewed separately since they were looking for honesty and depth not Jerry Springer shenanigans. It was one of Ellen’s conditions that she had insisted on when they floated the idea of having Kurt be part of the process, and Sebastian was thankful for Blaine’s sake. He had a feeling Blaine would not keep his cool otherwise. Kurt went first, he had been leaving his interview when the run-in with Blaine happened, and Sebastian would be next and then Blaine. Blaine was asked to not watch Sebastian’s interview, which he had reluctantly agreed to after Sebastian gave him a small nod. Sebastian felt confident he could handle whatever she threw out and wouldn’t say anything off message.

Knowing the that Kurt would be at his worst during his interview also invigorated Sebastian. He always did his best testimony under confrontational cross examination. What could he say; he liked winning arguments against tough defense counsel, and Kurt had always had his bitch face on with respect to Sebastian in the past.

So, after Blaine and Ellen hashed out the details, Sebastian sat down for his interview. After pleasantries were exchanged, Ellen waved for the cameras to start rolling. Smiling easily and conspiringly, she started with, “So, did you ever imagine you would be on national TV?”

“No, I wasn’t expecting this at all, even after Blaine became so popular.”

“Why was that?”

“I was an arrogant fool in high school when I met Blaine. I made a lot of mistakes that I felt were insurmountable once I matured and recognized my conceit for what it was. I may not have changed but getting Blaine as my soulmate did make me grow up.”

“We’ve gotten Kurt Hummel’s side of things. Would you like to explain yours?”

“I was told how amazing Blaine was before I even laid eyes on him. The Warblers were heartbroken that he had followed Kurt to his old public school and he was still all they could talk about. I was intrigued, but it still didn’t prepare me for how I would feel the first time I saw Blaine for myself. I was immediately taken with him. Of course, being arrogant and being used to getting the guys I wanted, I came on strong and started us down the path of destruction that came later. At the time, I knew I had never been so taken with someone, but I didn’t and couldn’t believe Blaine was my soulmate or anything like that. I just thought he was a conquest; one with a lot of appeal and talent but that was it.”

“Why wouldn’t you consider the possibility that he was your soulmate?”

“First, because we were barely sixteen and I wasn’t even thinking of soulmates yet, but mostly because I was clueless enough to confuse my strong feelings for Blaine as lust and competition. I knew Blaine deserved better, better than Kurt, and I felt I was definitely it. Like I said, arrogant.”

“And as things progressed?”

“I grew desperate and angry but wasn’t self-aware enough to know why. So, I lashed out at Kurt in true bully fashion, and Blaine, being the chivalrous guy that he is, jumped in the way and needed eye surgery when all was said and done. In the process, I lost the friendship that meant everything to me, as well as the possibility of a relationship.

“To cause that much pain and hurt to anyone is eye-opening and disturbing, but to do it to your soulmate is profoundly horrifying. By the time I turned eighteen and found out Blaine was my soulmate, I knew his birthday had already passed, and took his silence as damnation. So, I went on with my life.”

“You make it sound cavalier.”

Sebastian smiled wryly and admitted, “I was drunk for three weeks. Luckily it was summertime and I was preparing for college, so I didn’t have to worry about attending classes or explaining my behavior to anyone. I never wanted to see Ohio, Blaine, or Kurt again.”

Ellen asked, “And how do you feel now? Are you worried about what Kurt Hummel has to say?”

“As for Kurt Hummel, no, I don’t care what he had to say. He’s after fifteen minutes of fame and using Blaine to get it. As for myself, I feel hopeful. I have a career I love and the possibility of more with the only soulmate I’ve ever wanted.”

“Speaking of your career, you’re an FBI agent?”

“Yes, I’ve been with the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit for over a year now. Before that I was with Interpol.”

“How did you end up there?”

“I wanted to understand myself and my behavior better, so I did my senior thesis on soulmate violence and found myself intrigued enough to go on to study forensic psychology.”

“So, having Blaine as your soulmate has had a profound impact on every aspect of your life.”

“I prefer to see it as getting Blaine as my soulmate had a role that helped define who I was as an adult, the way it hopefully is for everyone. Mine was just a more dramatic impact.”

After a couple of more softball questions, Ellen wrapped up the interview and Sebastian took off his microphone and let her assistants swarm him to lead him out of the suite.

He was lead to the suite where Blaine was waiting, obviously interrupting him pacing when they came in. Blaine asked the assistants, “Can we have a couple minutes of privacy?”

After they left, Blaine bit his lip and asked, “How’d it go?”

“Pretty straightforward. No surprise questions. I don’t think Kurt offered up any new information.”

“What about you?”

“Did I offer up any new information, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Not really, maybe that I was drunk for three weeks after my eighteenth birthday.”

Grimacing, Blaine said, “Sorry.”

“Hey, no worries. It was a bad time for both of us, but there is every reason to live in the now.”

Blaine nodded and then grimaced again. “I really don’t want to do this.”

“Come here,” Sebastian said, and pulled Blaine into a hug. “You’ll do fine and then it will be over and you can go back to not answering this stuff. Just take a deep breath and get through it.”

Surprisingly, Blaine did take a deep breath, and nodded at Sebastian as he pulled out of the hug. “Thanks.” 

“Go get ‘em, killer.”

Blaine barked out a quick laugh and straightened his posture. “I always feel so confident when you call me that. It’s magical.”

Sebastian winked at him, and said, “That’s why I say it.”


	15. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Ellen interview for both Blaine and Sebastian and they share their first real kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! After all my talk in comments about how to share Kurt's interview, that's totally not in this part. But coming soon (hopefully)!

Sebastian waited the hour for Blaine’s interview to be over, and then they went back to their rooms together. Sebastian asked, “Are you up for an early dinner?”

“Probably too frazzled for the hotel restaurant.”

“So, room service again?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. We can compare notes.”

As they got into the elevator, Sebastian asked, “Any surprises for me?”

“I don’t think so. I mostly went a little more in-depth about my feelings when Kurt dumped me and I found out you were my soulmate. And then for later I mostly blamed the time and travel for why I didn’t contact you. I didn’t want to go into it.”

In a half-joking voice Sebastian asked, “She didn’t pull a Barbara Walters and make you cry, did she?”

“No, but I gotta admit I did get a bit emotional. My feelings about what Kurt did still does that to me.”

Sebastian hummed non-committedly, but he had to agree. Hummel was a piece of work.

By this time, they were at Blaine’s floor and Sebastian followed Blaine to his suite, loosening his tie. He asked, “Will you get to see the interview before it airs?”

“No. It was part of the deal. We don’t have any editorial review. So, when the world sees it is when I’ll see it. I’m kind of nervous about that, particularly what Kurt will say.”

“I bet. He’s always been a loose cannon and bitchy about it, but that could just be our history talking.”

“No, it was one of his least likeable qualities.”

Sebastian wanted to say ‘of many’, but instead changed the topic and said, “I hear they do Greek food in the restaurant here. Can you order me a gyro and antipasto salad?”

“Sounds good. I’ll get two.”

Food was ordered and as they waited, Sebastian took off his tie and suit jacket, rolling the tie and putting it in his jacket pocket. Blaine was also changing into more comfortable clothes in the bedroom of his suite.

When Blaine came back into the main suite, he was in jeans and his button-down shirt, no tie. He asked, “So, when are you leaving?”

Sebastian sat at the small table as Blaine got two bottles of water from the small refrigerator. Sebastian said, “My flight is for tomorrow afternoon. Not sure who made the arrangements at Ellen’s show.”

“Great! We can spend some time together, if that agrees with your plans.”

“Sure. I’m here for you, killer.”

Blaine smiled and then answered the door to allow the hotel employee with their room service in. The employee placed it on the table, and Blaine signed for it after giving a tip. As they ate, they discussed their Ellen interviews in more depth, Sebastian trying to recall all the questions and answers he gave, while Blaine did the same.

Towards the end of the meal, Blaine got a phone call and grimaced at his phone. “I have to get this. Will you stick around?”

“If you like.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’d like that.” Sebastian nodded, and Blaine got up answering the phone and walking to look out the windows. Sebastian finished his meal, and then went to rest over on the couch in the suite. Tiredness was tugging at him, so he slumped down and let his head rest back, closing his eyes. The jetlag and late night were catching up with him.

Sebastian was having the best dream. He was lying on his back on grass with his eyes closed, and the sun was shining on his face. That wasn’t the best part. The best part was Blaine lying next to him snuggled close. He wanted to live in this dream forever. Blaine said, “Sebastian, hey.”

Sebastian just mumbled back and held Blaine closer. Blaine again said, “Sebastian, hey. I need you to wake up.”

Sebastian opened his eyes, but before he could say anything, he got lost in Blaine’s whiskey-colored eyes as Blaine leaned over him. He couldn’t keep the joy off his face, and Blaine smiled gently back at him. Since it was a dream, Sebastian felt comfortable reaching out, and pulling Blaine into an easy kiss. It was what he wanted, and it was his dream after all.

Blaine made a surprised sound, but he kissed back. Blaine pulled back right about the time Sebastian realized this wasn’t a dream anymore. He rapidly blinked his eyes to get the sleep out of them and stared at Blaine who was staring back just as stunned. With more vulnerability in his voice than he had ever shown anyone, Sebastian said, “Please.”

Blaine surged forward as Sebastian reached out for him. As they kissed again, Sebastian tugged Blaine up and over him so he could press Blaine into the back of the couch. Once they were lined up and as close as Sebastian could get them, Sebastian deepened the kiss, and stroked Blaine’s side, rucking up his shirt. Blaine was kissing him hard, making intoxicating, needy sounds, and a hidden part of Sebastian was satisfied at finally being close to him.

Then Blaine’s hand started ringing. As he nibbled a line down Blaine’s jaw, Sebastian pleaded, “Don’t answer it.”

Blaine gasped as Sebastian reached his ear, so Sebastian settled down to worry that spot, and make Blaine make more of those sweet noises. As it stopped ringing, Blaine tilted his head to give Sebastian more room, and managed to gasp out, “It’s your phone. It’s been ringing for the last five minutes.”

The phone started ringing again. Closing his eyes, Sebastian rested his forehead on Blaine’s. “Shit. I have to get that.”

Still sounding breathless, Blaine said, “I figured.”

Sebastian took the phone, and answered it with a curt, “Smythe.” He stared into Blaine’s eyes the entire time. He could see Blaine pulling himself together, as color seeped across his cheeks.

Garcia said, “We have a break in the Des Moines case. You’re on a flight in three hours. I’ll email you the briefing notes.”

Sebastian said, “Okay,” and hung up. He wasn’t in the mood for niceties, and he’d make it up to Garcia later. He stared into Blaine’s open expression, hating that he had to leave. He slowly inched forward and gave Blaine a light kiss again. Blaine kissed back and held his head in place to slide his tongue into Sebastian’s mouth briefly in the lightest of teases.

Sebastian moaned, partly out of arousal, and partly out of frustration. He hated leaving, but knew he had to go. Once the kiss was over, Sebastian said, “It’s a case. I’ve got to go.”

“I go to New York City tomorrow. Redeye,” Blaine answered.

Sebastian just said, “Shit,” and rolled to his back so Blaine could climb off the couch, and then he stood up too. “When does your tour start?”

“In two weeks.”

“Right.”

Blaine took his hand. “Hey, we can make this work if we both want it.”

Heaving a big sigh, Sebastian tried to let his frustration go. It didn’t quite work. He admitted, “I’m just afraid that between your travel schedule and mine, we’ll never get anywhere.”

“It’ll still be more than we had before.” Blaine squeezed his hand.

Sebastian smiled, and tucked a curl behind Blaine’s ear. Fondly, he said, “Thanks, Pollyanna.”

“Sorry, I just want this to work.”

“Don’t be sorry. That wasn’t a complaint. Someone should be optimistic, and it probably won’t be me.”


End file.
